I’m married to a really great man. And we have a good marriage. A really good marriage.
Sadly, I think really good marriages are becoming more uncommon. Actually, I think good marriages are common…but people don’t realize when they are already in a good marriage.
Our marriage is very good…but it is not easy. It is very good because it’s not easy.
In the last nine years, we have faced a lot of obstacles. We’re facing some pretty big ones right now. And we have disagreed on how to handle those obstacles – sometimes quite emotionally. And there have been plenty of times where one or both of us wanted to just throw up our hands and say FINE! Whatever YOU want. I don’t care! Just stop talking about it! We wanted to give in and give up, just to end the conflict.
But we didn’t. We don’t. We have always kept talking. Not without sometimes invoking the 10:00 rule (no more difficult discussions after 10:00 p.m., when we’re too tired to be reasonable) or the 24+ hour rule (I really can’t talk about this for awhile until I’ve had a chance to process my thoughts and feelings), but we always keep talking. And because of that, we have a great marriage.
We have sex (sorry parents, but yes, I’m going there…) and because of that, we have a great marriage. And I’m not talking about frequency or quality, because those can vary depending on so many factors. But even when we are stressed, or completely overwhelmed by life, or just generally not in the mood for sex, we don’t forget the need and desire for an intimate relationship. And sometimes that means one of us calling a “moral imperative”: acknowledging that neither of us has a strong desire at that moment to be intimate, but that for the health of our marriage, we are going to choose intimacy anyway. And that makes us stronger together.
And we pray. Which is the biggest reason why I believe our marriage is great. I’m not talking just about praying together, which we do, although not consistently. The prayers that more often shape our marriage are our individual prayers. When an issue seems impossible to overcome, I know that Scott is praying about it. And he knows that I am too. And eventually, God shapes us and changes our hearts so that we continue to grow together. And in growing together, we maintain our great marriage.