Six months ago, my sweetie and I, with the generous help of great friends, finished packing all of our belongings. Six months ago, we waved good-bye as we left behind a community that we had grown to love and that we ached to leave.
We were confident that God had closed the door for us to remain in Massachusetts, even though He had not yet provided a job or a home for us to move to. That was okay because we had family willing to provide a place for us to land and finances to last us three to four months. Plenty of time for God to open doors. To provide. To clarify our path.
Six months later, we are still waiting. We are feeling the desperateness of the current economic crisis as my sweetie continues to send out resumes and CV’s, only to receive little to no response. We are now among the ranks of the long-term unemployed, and with 1 in 10 Americans currently unemployed, we are finding it difficult to continue hoping. We are struggling to maintain faith that the Great Provider is not going to stop providing. That every month with too little money available as bills become due, He will once again miraculously sustain, even if only for the next day.
We are not in a situation that is easy to talk about. Long-term unemployment brings with it judgment and condemnation. Or pity. And for someone who struggles with the idol of self-sufficiency, relying upon the grace and kindness of others for more than half a year has been excruciatingly painful…even if God has provided many moments of joy during that time.
Because our current situation has been so difficult to talk about, for the most part, I have remained silent. I keep justifying in my mind that I’ll start being a better friend and returning emails/phone calls when I have something good to say. And I continue telling myself I’ll start writing here again when I have something to really talk about. My insecure inner self keeps convincing me that nobody really wants to hear what I have to say right now anyway.
But with 1 in 10 Americans unemployed right now, maybe what I have to say is important. Maybe. Either way, I’m tired of hiding from the world. I’m weary from the weight of bearing this alone. And I am hopeful that maybe God will use my words to encourage someone else who is also struggling right now.
So, I’m choosing to open myself back up here on this blog. I don’t know how often, because honestly, the desire to hide right now isn’t going to go away. But, I’m choosing to create a written remembrance of the painful struggles as well as the moments of joy and laughter, the examples of God’s provision and sustenance and the lessons we are learning.