I have a plant that sits in a vase full of water. It’s a great plant for me because it does not require any soil. Just water. So I look at it sitting in its little vase and smile, because I don’t have to worry too much about killing it. As long as it has some water, things are okay.
A couple months ago, I washed out the vase and put in fresh water. While I did, I noticed that the plant had not grown in quite awhile. I had hoped that more leaves would be growing out of the vase by now, but nope, just the same original one and a small offshoot that had been there for months. Still green. Still pretty. Just not growing.
At first I thought I was imagining things. Surely the plant was growing, but with my lack of plant expertise I just wasn’t noticing. But no. It was pretty clear that the plant was not growing.
Then I thought, well, at least I haven’t killed it. That’s a good thing.
Good, but not satisfying. I wanted my plant to grow.
So a couple weeks ago I bought a small box of miracle grow. I carefully mixed the powder with fresh water and replaced the water in the little vase while I watered my other soil-grown plants. Overnight my plant looked healthier. And it has been growing ever since. Not only have the two existing leaves grown, but a third leaf has sprouted and is threatening to out-grow the first two.
I wish my faith would grow as quickly and easily as this plant. In my arrogance, I thought it was. I felt strong and healthy. God and I, we had things under control. But then suddenly I hit a wall. Something happened that frustrated me and instantly brought back feelings of despair, bitterness, anger.
I’m upset with myself. And I’m ashamed to admit that I’m upset with God. Aren’t we past this God? Haven’t we worked on this? Haven’t I asked for your healing in my heart? How can one small thing so instantly shake me?
I feel like I’ve been running and running only to realize that I’m actually on a treadmill, stuck repeating the same three or four steps over and over.
I’m so frustrated! I want to be better than this. I’m sick and tired of my emotions and feelings being so easily swayed. I want fresh water full of nutrients. I want to grow.