Internal Struggle

My heart and mind are restless and agitated. I’m not sure why. Something needs to change, but I’m not sure what. Or how. So I find myself going through the motions of everyday without fully engaging.

Do you have times like that? Seasons where a faceless, shapeless thing hovers just out of reach. Undefined.

My days are lethargic, my nights listless. I’m hungering for Him, but my faith is dry and parched. And it’s all my fault. I’m not feeding my soul. I’m not engaging in relationship with God. I’m longing for spiritual intimacy, but not doing the work. Moments slip by and I choose to wait.

Later…

I want Him. I need Him. Why do I not choose Him?

I have the resources. I have the ability. I have the gift He gave.

He has provision and opportunities for me. For us. I want to see them, taste them, know them. But I still have to make the choice, daily, hourly, moment by moment to live in Him, to grow in Him, to talk to Him.

My heart and mind know it.

How are you today?

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About Sarah

I love being wife to my sweetie, mama and teacher to my three wonderful children, and friend to people near and far. I love to express myself through words. I blog to connect with others and so that someday, hopefully, my kiddos will understand who their mama was...way back when.
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One Response to Internal Struggle

  1. Dad & Mom says:

    You are so right, we still have to make the choice moment by moment as Paul says in Rom. 7:15-25, but we do have the victory through Christ! Amen!
    Lots of Love

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